Milton Garcia of the Borscht Film Festival Named Most Elligible Bachelor in South Florida Film Industry (M2=PD)

They played a mean trick on me. A certain publicity person asked a certain Minister of the Interior to write a small article about the Borscht Film Festival to publish in InFocus Magazine, an online magazine about the South Florida Film Industry. Apparently, this certain Minister of the Interior did not like the website or something, said it one or two glittery dancing GIFs away from being a cat fan page or paranormal conspiracy page from the late 90's or something. Knowing that I would not want to write an article, I was told that I was named the most elligible bachelor by this magazine, and would have to thank them and tell them about the festival in an essay.

Naturally, I wrote the essay. Naturally, the publicity person did not like it- and no such article was ever sent or published. Anyway, here it is. Enjoy.

Why the Ladies Love Me and How I Make so Many Beautiful Babies
By Milton Garcia

I am honored to be named the most eligible bachelor in the Florida Film Industry by InFocus Magazine. It is an award I have coveted since I first clicked on the website by mistake late one night when redtube.com was shut down and I was looking for online entertainment without the usual blurriness seen in free internet pornography. Although your website lacked the Latina housewives I desired, I found your articles about SAG and 5 stages of blocking a scene to be just as satisfying.

While I was born with a rugged charm that ensured I would never want for the ladies, I could not have become the most eligible bachelor in the Florida Film Industry alone. I would like to thank Maite at Phat Joe tattoo on Bird Road for inking me up right, Chi-chi at the Knight Correction Center for teaching me the angle that makes sure they get pregnant, Juan at Dolphin Mall for hooking me up with the airbrush job when I got out, and last but not least, the Borscht Film Festival for getting me involved in the movie making scene.

If most people involved in the industry didn’t look like carnival hands at Santa’s Enchanted Forest, they would know the secret formula of filmmaking. That formula is “movie makin’= panty droppin,’” or “M2=PD.” That’s what I like best about the Borscht Film Festival. They understand this formula. They are really good looking, young, and know that the most important part of making movies is getting naked afterwards.

This is why they are based out of Miami, where M2=PD can best be applied to the most beautiful people without competition or having to take care of the kids after. Catholic ladies love the babies, and hate the rubbers.

In order to continue my mastery of M2=PD, I am going to get serious and tell you what we are about.

Miami got the nickname of “the Magic City” for the seemingly supernatural way in which it grew from a mostly-uninhabited swampland to metropolis of over 5 million people in under 100 years. This explosive period of growth has seen the city go through changes that would take much longer in cities that are not as magical. As a result, the only defining feature of a city that is completely different every twenty years is its mercurial nature, further compounded by the fact that Miami has always been a transient city, with less than half its inhabitants being natives to the country, much less the city.

The motion picture industry loves to tell stories that take place in Miami because there is something inherently sexy about a city that is so outwardly gorgeous that has a dark seediness lurking just below the veneer of the beaches and parties. As a result South Beach vistas are well represented in film, and the portrayal of Miami as a beautiful but vapid backdrop to generic stories has cemented its reputation as a shallow party town.

While the tourism industry was exploding based on this portrayal, something interesting was happening in the greater Miami area: millions of the transient inhabitants, many of whom had only intended to stay in the city until economic or political turmoil in their native countries subsided, began to accept Miami as a more permanent residence where they would raise their children.

This generation of Miamians, born in the height of the 80’s cocaine boom, came to grow up in a city shaped not by the party scene, but by the various waves of Cuban refugees (post-revolution, post-Mariel) colliding with Haitian and Central and South American refugees colliding with the established Jewish and retired communities to create an environment unlike any in the world.

The generation of Miamians between 20 and 30 years old is the first major boom born into a Miami with- occasional race riot, hurricane, or South American revolution aside- some form of cultural stability (it’s still Miami, after all). Many of the artists of this generation grew up with a desire to leave their perceived cultural wasteland in the tropics to move to New York or Los Angeles, which are portrayed as meccas of creation. In fact, the pattern has been for our best artists to leave town to attend college and never return, staying in LA or NY and losing the very essence of Miami that made their artistic voices special to begin with.

The Borscht Film Festival is trying to change this. Its founders were following this path until they realized that growing up surrounded by extreme poverty and excessive wealth, by mystical storytelling of Haitian santeros and old Cuban men and daily newspaper headlines that would be taken as fiction in any other city, that the ugly and beautiful of the city had irrevocably shaped them as artists, and while many were escaping to try to make a career in other cities, the very city that fueled their creativity was rife with opportunity to create.

Their mission then, is to create video and film works that tell Miami stories that only Miamians can tell. They wish to go beyond the typical cinematic notions of Miami as a beautiful but vapid backdrop to tell the stories that only happen in Miami. We hope to do for our city what the original American New Wave and the French New Wave before them did: create a collaborative independent film scene telling stories of our city in an innovative and professional fashion, giving Miami stories to the world. We feel that if done right, there is a global audience for our unique stories.

In the last thirty years Miami has become a world-class, international metropolis- and our voices hope to usher in the next era of Miami, where the city’s nuanced and fascinating culture is shared with the world.

This is why the ladies love me, and why I have so many kids. Again, thank you to In Focus Magazine for this honor, and if you are naïve and beautiful, hit me up on myspace.

-Milton g.